The Things We Weren’t Taught to Have: Boundaries

Growing up, I don’t remember being told it was okay to say “no.” I don’t remember hearing that it was safe to speak up when something didn’t feel right.

What I do remember is being told to be respectful, to keep the peace, and not to answer back. Sound familiar?

In this episode of The Talanoa Lounge, I dive into the reality that so many of us especially within Pasifika cultures, were never taught about boundaries. Not because our families didn’t love us, but because they didn’t know better. They were doing what they were taught, and many were surviving.

But now? We’re in a time where we get to pause, reflect, and gently rewrite those patterns.

I share parts of my own story:
• What it’s like to have a deep respect for others but not for myself.
• The guilt that comes with putting myself first.
• And the discomfort of creating space when I was taught to shrink for the sake of others.

But I’m learning that boundaries are not a wall. They’re a doorway to freedom, peace, and connection without self-abandonment.

You deserve to feel safe in your relationships.
You deserve to rest without guilt.
You deserve to say no and not explain yourself.

This talanoa isn’t about blaming our families — it’s about healing through understanding. It’s about learning that respect can still exist with boundaries. And that we can honour our elders, our culture, and ourselves.

If this episode speaks to you, I see you. I’m walking this with you. We’re unlearning. Relearning. And healing — together.

With love,
Courts x

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Crisis Support:

If anything in this post or episode brings up heavy feelings, please know support is available.

🇦🇺 Lifeline Australia: 13 11 14
🇳🇿 1737 Need to Talk (Free call or text): 1737

Artwork for Episode 5 of The Talanoa Lounge. A quiet moment that reflects the courage to create boundaries while honouring culture, healing, and self-respect.