The things we don’t talk about - Mental health

There are things we carry that we’ve never had the words — or the permission — to speak about.

Things like fat shaming, feeling out of place, or growing up not remembering much… just the feeling of being lost.

In our third episode, The Things We Don’t Talk About: Mental Health, I open up about the things that have shaped the way I see myself — and the journey I’m on to reclaim that.

For a long time, I believed the words people said about me.

"You're fat."
"You're too much."
"You should lose weight."

And even when they weren’t saying it out loud, the looks said enough.

Over time, I started speaking to myself in the same way. I began treating myself like I wasn’t worthy — like I had to earn love by changing who I was.

That’s the thing about fat shaming — it’s not just about appearance. It cuts into your spirit. It shapes how you show up in the world. And when those messages come from people you’re supposed to feel safe with, it sticks deeper.

On top of that, there are big gaps in my memory from childhood. I don’t remember a lot of the events — but I do remember how I felt. I remember feeling lost, out of place, unsure of where I fit. That feeling stayed with me for years. It’s only now, through healing and reflection, that I’m starting to understand just how much that sense of disconnection impacted my mental health.

But here’s what I’ve learned and keep reminding myself:

Mental health is part of being human. It’s not a weakness. It’s not a flaw. It’s a muscle.

A muscle we need to strengthen so we can support ourselves — especially when things get hard.

Mental health isn’t one-size-fits-all. It looks different for everyone.

It’s not just therapy or crisis — it’s also learning how to cope. How to regulate our emotions. How to sit with discomfort without letting it define us. How to talk to ourselves with more love and patience.

And most importantly — how to unlearn the shame that was never ours to carry.

To anyone reading this who’s felt invisible, out of place, or ashamed of your body — I see you.

If you’ve ever questioned your worth because of someone else’s words — I hear you.

If you’ve grown up with silence around your mental health — I feel you.

You deserve to take up space. You deserve to heal.

And you deserve to talk about the things we were never taught how to — starting with your story.

The Talanoa Lounge exists for this very reason. To give our community a safe space to be real, raw, and seen. Because our mental health matters — full stop.

Holding space for the conversations we weren’t taught how to have. Mental health is personal, layered, and deserving of care.